A Conversation with Brandon Baker
by Mark Adams
I was reading in a column somewhere ( I think it was mine) that it seemed as if twink performer Brandon Baker was appearing in just about everything on the New Release shelf. Well, Brandon sent me an email after reading it himself, and decided he'd like to clear things up. Never one to turn down a pretty...er, face, I gave him a call at his home in New Orleans.
Me: How are you, Brandon?
Brandon: I think I'm a little hung over. And I don't even drink that much.
M: I'm afraid you'll be in detox soon, and I don't think they'll let you make movies while you're in detox.
B: Well, they let Tom Cruise do 'em. And Charlie Sheen.
M: But, then again, you've been in just about every movie released this month, so you don't have to worry about that.
B: When I saw that in your column, I said, "Oh, No!"
M: It's like I used to say to Chi Chi LaRue, you must not have time to pee.
B: Oh, I make time for that. I really enjoy doing all this stuff.
M: You must be having sex like, oh, 23 hours a day.
B: Actually, 26.
M: So you live in New Orleans, right?
B: Yes, that's my domicile. But I'm moving to Vegas. I love the lights. I love the excitement. I like the 24-hour-ness. I'm all about the amusement.
M: How old are you, Brandon?
B: I'm 21.
M: How old were you when you started?
B: I was 19 and I had a real job. I have a degree in Hotel Management and I was working in Ohio. I emailed CitiBoyz my pictures, and I didn't hear from them, so I said, fine, I don't want to work for them anyway. A year later, they emailed me out of the blue. But I had a real job at that point, and I couldn't really mix them, so I said no. Then they emailed me about six months later for another trip, and I decided I was going to do it, and everything just snowballed from there.
M: Some guys have a really tough job getting any work, and here you are working for everyone. They must really hate you.
B: Yes, and thank you for the compliment. CitiBoyz really gave me a good base to start with. Then I did some work for Vidkid Timo, and then I emailed Eric Magyar, and then I emailed Dead Guy Cinema and.well, thank God for email. I've done 9 movies in less than two years.
M: What haven't you done so far that you'd like to do?
B: Eeee. I knew you were going to have all these "good" questions. How do I answer that?
M: Just make something up. No one will know the difference.
B: OK how about this: I don't have a cartoon, and I don't have an action figure yet. Even Matt Damon has an action figure. I'd like a Brandon Baker Action Figure and a Brandon Baker cartoon..
M: A porn cartoon?
B: Of course.
M: Anything else?
B: Yes I'd like to make a gladiator movie. I can't go to Caesar's Palace in Vegas without getting hard.
M: Uh huh. What kind of guys do you like in real life? You appear mostly with other twinks in the movies.
B: In real life, I want to find a white-trash fat-boy boyfriend with red cheeks. If they can come from a trailer park, all the better.
M: There has to be a good story that goes with this.
B: I don't know what it is. I like big boys. I'm not talking muscular here. I like big boys.
M: You realize that every overweight man who reads this is going to be on your doorstep. They're heading for their computers to email you as we speak.
B: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I just like big boys. And the red cheek thing.I'd be with friends, and we'd pull up to a car that had like a 900 lb guy in it, and they'd say to me, How about him? I'm not THAT bad.
M:: You must admit that it's kind of odd. Have you ever seen a shrink about any of this?
B: No, but I'm about to. I also have a fetish for abandoned buildings.
M: You could start a whole new line of films based on all this, you know, a young guy with overweight men with red cheeks from trailer parks.
B: I mentioned it to Eric (Magyar), and he said, There's not really a big market for that.
M: I think it would be a big seller. You'd win all kinds of awards.
B: We could call the series "Trailer Park Banging." You're making me laugh.
M: Most of the stuff you've done is with young, good looking boys your age or even younger.
B: For the camera, I can fake it. But tell the circuit boys not to stop calling [strong empahsis here].
M: What would you like to do in a movie that you haven't done yet?
B: Can I come back to that?
M: Sure what guys would you like to work with?
B: Matt Summers. He's hot. When he did "Oral Exams" for Ms. LaRue, I have a still from that on the wall over my computer, so that when I'm working, I can look up and get some inspiration. Matthew Rush, too. And the boys in the Abercrombie catalog. Where do they get those boys? They're so beautiful. I've never topped in a movie.
M: We're back to what you'd like to do in a movie...I'm beginning to see how your mind works. So you've never topped.
B: Not yet. I'm like 180% bottom. I thought about it in the shower once when I was in San Francisco so that is where the 20% went, right down the guys drain...Wait. I topped a doll for Eric. I was afraid it would ruin my reputation.
M: Say that again you topped.what?
B: An inflatable doll. I did it in his new one "Chicken Stuffers." The only reason I did it was because I love being the person people talk about. I can't believe Eric convinced me to do it. But I wanted to be the one person that people use the "rewind" button for.
M: We had a website poll recently on this one - how many times a day do you...er, satisfy yourself?
B: Unless I'm getting something from it, I'm good with maybe one or two.
M: Which brings up the subject of escorting. Do you enjoy escorting?
B: Yes. My theory is, I think, if I only made $40. from it, would I still do it? And I always say yes. I got to go to Spain last month. I get to do things I'd never do otherwise.
M: So all the education you got in hotel-motel management has just gone to hell.
B: Yes I always hold on to it in case I need to go back to it.
M: So you're making big bucks off the movies.
B: Well, not really. What am I doing wrong? It's one of the big myths, that porn stars make lots of money. CitiBoyz did pay me very well, but, the more I make, the more I spend. They are great people to work for. And I love working for Timo, because he doesn't want to clone me. He fosters my individuality.
M: I understand you're really good about responding to emails from your fans.
B: I try to answer every email I try not to let one slip through the crack. There's enough going up MY crack. I think I'm going to be the "foreign object queen." I've had the bike seat up there in the Tribal Pulse movie "Bike Messengers Pedalling Ass," and in Timo's "Beach Bash and Beyond," I had the Corona bottle up my boo-tay; and a double-penetration in the CitiBoyz movie.
M: Is there anything else you'd like "up there" that hasn't been there yet?
B: Wait til you see the next Dead Guys Cinema movie I'm doing. I live for controversy, but not for confrontation. The movie is called "Physical Education," this is the one I'm most proud of. They're web site is www.deadguyscinema.com. I had so much fun I didn't want it to end.
M: Sounds like a great drive-in movie. Do you have a boyfriend?
B: I had one for a couple of years, but he couldn't deal with what I did.
M: Was he short and fat and with red cheeks?
B: Yes everyone was like, That's your boyfriend? And I'd say, yes, he's the most beautiful thing on earth.
M: Awww. You've just given so many people hope. Not that you're an old man or anything, but how long do you want to keep doing this?
B: Honestly, I give it maybe about three years. And then it's back to the hotels.
A hotel owned by some fat trailer-park trash guy with red cheeks.
Yes, Brandon has a full life planned. Among his plans, a brand-new column here on VidioView.com. Watch for it soon. And watch for Brandon in just about every movie on the new release shelf, and check out his website at www.partywithbrandon.com.
